Focus on Your Children

A recent article featured in the Wall Street Journal highlights efforts parents can make to help their children feel balanced after divorce.

One of the most significant things parents can do after going through a divorce is talk to their kids about it. Willingness to treat the subject seriously, even with young children, will help them understand that it’s totally acceptable to feel strongly about it, too. They know it’s not their fault you and your spouse divorced, and they know it’s perfectly reasonable to feel upset about it and all its implications.

The article also highlights the advantages of keeping children in a stable environment, both physical and mental, similar to the one they were in prior to the divorce. Seeing both parents on a daily basis, even interacting with both parents simultaneously occasionally, is profoundly meaningful for your kids.

If it’s impossible to live close to your ex (or cook meals at his or her house), as the article touts, it’s certainly possible and highly recommended by family law attorneys, that each household operates in a similar fashion, from rules (bedtime) and standard of living (gifts and spending habits). “It can be emotionally damaging when one parent provides gifts and luxuries and the other has trouble making ends meet. This is one of the reasons for alimony and child support.”

Another essential experience for children after their parents’ divorce is the positive treatment of both. It’s a popular notion that divorce can be like a business venture, and it seems like some rules do apply to both, namely: treating your ex-spouse with respect, and speaking with them directly. Even having your kids carry a neutral message can make them feel badly if mom or dad feels badly when it’s been relayed. Kids’ intuition is great and they feel these things intensely.

So remember, speak with your kids about your divorce, and speak with your ex about it too. Keeping your kids comfortable and happy can be your common goal.