Beginning to date after a divorce can be tough. After all, you have been through a lot in your previous relationship, to put it mildly, and you may find it difficult to jump back into the dating pool. Dating someone who is also going through a divorce can pose further challenges. While dating someone who is in a similar situation can be beneficial and rewarding because they know what you are going through more so than anyone else, the situation may require a slower pace and a more carefully navigated path.
According to divorce blogger Jackie Pilossoph in a recent article on Huffington Post, there are certain precautions you should take when dating after a divorce. The first relationship after a divorce often moves along cautiously and it is often times smart not to rush the process.
Pilossoph herself is divorced, and so her advice comes from a place of personal experience. She acknowledges that she is not the last word on the subject – but simply someone who has dated in the post-divorce world and feels qualified to weigh in on the subject.
Moving slow, she emphasizes, is smart. She also advises that there are certain lines of questioning that should be avoided in the first year of dating after the end of a marriage.
Among these questions are “Where do you think this relationship is going?” – While some may argue that this is an important relationship query after a few months of dating, Pilossoph warns that in the early stages of a new relationship things should be allowed to progress naturally, without the added pressure of having to define the situation.
For those dating individuals with ongoing divorces, you should be careful in asking when the divorce will be finalized. While some would argue the opposite, Pilossoph believes that rushing someone through the divorce process isn’t going to solidify your new relationship any faster. There are many reasons why divorce can be a long process, and pressuring someone to speed it up is not going to make for a healthy new relationship.
Also, Pilossoph suggests, avoid questions that will expose insecurities. While your own divorce may have shook your self esteem, questioning your new partner’s feelings too early could be detrimental to the relationship. Questions about exclusivity and cheating should be avoided, especially if you may not be able to handle a truthful answer. Similarly, asking for declarations of love before the person is ready could be harmful. Maybe they have been hurt and are not ready to say those words; maybe they are not ready to feel them just yet. Giving the person time can be an important step.
After a divorce, dating can feel like new territory. But, if you take it slow, you will persevere. Pilossoph’s blog Divorced Girl Smiling offers women helpful articles and tips on getting through a divorce and dating in its aftermath.